Feb 20 2009
From a facebook Soccer Group…
You Know You’re A Soccer Player When…
- Your Jeans don’t Fit Around Your Massive Leg Muscles
- Whenever You Have To Write An Essay On A Hero, You Pick Mia Hamm.
- You Accidentally Kick The Ball When You’re Playing Other Sports
- The Most Important Cross, in your life, Is In Front Of The Goal.
- You Have 3 Bottles of Advil In Your Locker, Bag, And Car.
-Your neighbors call 911 because you haven’t left your house day or night during world cup
-your trunk has at least one ball and a pair of cleats
-something you own is named after Pele or David
-you have soccer posters somewhere in your house
-you bring soccer socks for ice-skating
-All your non-work clothing has three stripes or an Umbro brand name
-can recognize ex-players by the way they move & look
-the only way you pick up a ball for a friend is with your feet
-you’ve accidently gotten a foul in another sport from kicking the ball
-you can recognize fellow soccer players by their walk, their legs, their clothes and their car.
-you strive to find pickup games
-you can honestly use both feet equally
-you know more than 6 ways to pickup a ball
-you do rainbows with the basketball at the gym
-you stretch even when you aren’t working out
-you have year round blisters or shin splints
-you keep an extra T-shirt and shorts in your car just in case
-you judge people’s abilities by where they grew up, who they play for, and where they play in HS
-you’ve had at least 3 bad coaches
-you’ve traveled somewhere more than 3 hours away for a tournament
-you have every color, style, and size tournament T-shirt from all the years
-you’ve played goalie, at least once
-at least one of your previous relationships has been with a soccer player
-you judge a person’s skills by if you like their number or not.
-you have old hotline numbers in your phone
-people know you just as well by your last name
-you get away with having different color shoe laces on your boots
-you have prewrap and tape with you almost always
-you either hate the tuck, or always have it in completely
-your first instinct when something is coming at you is to trap it or head it back
-all you bring to a pickup game is your cleats and a pair of footies
-You constantly have bad tan lines
-when you drop something and try to settle it
-even when someone says football you think soccer.
-You can go hard for 90 minutes, and know 11 different positions
-you keep dropping stuff because you think it’s a penalty to touch it.
- When your goalie gloves cost more than a laptop.
- 200 Bucks on cleats doesn’t even phase you
- You cringe when someone rolls their athletic shorts more than once
- on Monday you never fail to have a plethora of new bruises to show off, as well as a story behind each
- you choose your guys based on how good they are at the sport
- if someone says "my knee hurts" you ask where. then correctly diagnose the problem
- its 65 degrees out and you think its the perfect temperature
- your favorite feeling in the world is slide tackling on dewey grass
- hair stops growing on your legs where your guards go
- your forearms, knees, and face are the only tan parts of your body
-whenever something, anything is flying towards your face, you try to head it instead of catching it.
-You’re immune to the smell of shinguards, boots and gloves.
-A mile run is nothing compared to a game.
-You realize mls isn’t real soccer.
-You’ve spent your free time thinking of comments criticizing a refs call.
-Your closet is filled with spandex.
-All white soccer clothes are stained, but you still wear them.
-You have more soccer shoes than regular shoes.
-You’re outside in 30 degrees weather, it snowing and pissed because there’s only 5 minutes left in the game.
-You own at least one ankle brace
-when you are the only person in your class who believes Beckham, Ronaldo, and Ronaldinho aren’t the best
-when you hear predators you think of the boots not the animal!
-when the first thing you do in a fight is kick and break the legs, or headbutt them in the sternum.
-when you can put the basketball in the hoop quicker with your feet than your hands
-when you realize you have nasty feet, but are even more surprised when you realize that you don’t care.
-you know your a soccer player when you go to play soccer in the snow…….at -25
-When the football team comes after you to make you kick for them
- You buy glow in the dark balls so you can play in the dark
-when you are willing (and almost excited) to play in the freezing rain and hail in March.
-Juggling has a completely different meaning to you
-When diving doesn’t mean a sport, it means an unforgiveable sin
-when you saw the display picture for the group and whished u lived there
-when you still have your first pair of gloves/shoes/uniform
-when you can use the smell of your gloves as a weapon
-when you have seen the movie "Big Green" too many times to count, and will never get too old for it
- showing off your scarred shins or knees in shorts/skirts doesn’t even faze you
-(for girls) when you go to get your hair cut, and you tell the lady it has to be long enough for a ponytail.
-when the teacher tells you to get something out to read, and you pull out the latest Eurosport magazine.
-when you get pissed at your mom for washing your gloves after your 4th consecutive shutout "because they stink"
-when "because they stink" is not an excuse to wash your gloves/shin pads
-When your entire car is littered with water bottles from games.
- When you can name every one of your coaches you’ve had since you were 5.
- When you have the same pre-game ritual for # of games because you haven’t lost.
- When you have more friends from playing than from your own school.
- When you can’t walk around your town without someone asking how the game went.
- When at least one of your bags is devoted to your soccer stuff.
- When you have ball marks that are still there the next day.
- When younger kids start talking to you about one of your games even though you don’t know there names.
-When you use your boots until you have to tape them to play.
- When after you tape them you play one more game because you scored the game before
- You say " its a nice day, when its pouring rain"
- People constantly compliment you on your perfectly toned "soccer legs!"
- When you go to the beach and your legs are three different shades of tanned.
-when there is no such thing as a "grass-only" ball because you play where ever when ever
-You watched all the Joga Bonito videos at least 3 times.
- You do juggle the ball over 30 times.
- You could be in the middle of the desert, but be fine if you had a soccer ball
- You wear tight shorts and don’t mind all the nice legs comments.
- You don’t smoke because you need your stamina in a game
- After you pass the goalie, you bend down just to header the ball in.
- You can balance a soccer ball somewhere on your body for over an hour.
- People ask you if you work out, and you say "No, I play soccer"
- You trip people when they walk for no reason.
- You’ve watched old movies of Pele play.
- you hate it when you talk about futbol and retards think your talking about American football
- your whole room looks spotless except for that spot where your boots go.
- you know most of your friends from soccer tournaments and competitions.
- something falls, you pick it up with your feet, even if it’s an eraser or an article of clothing.
- you know the name of the player when you see just the their number.
- your parents didn’t worry about you doing drugs because you were probably out all night playing soccer in a lit field.
- you know scoring a goal is almost as good as having sex.
- you know at least 4 ways to pick up a soccer ball (NO HANDS)
- your not impressed when watching someone juggle until they passed 500.
- you don’t realize your pulling on the other guys shirt until he’s on the floor and the ref is holding that yellow card.
- your team ends up being family
- your going to teach your kid to be a soccer God, and send videos of him/her to M. United.
- you’ve either been to or are dying to go to a World Cup, even if your team didn’t make it.
- a soccer game decides what your mood is going to be for the next couple of hours.
-when you dribble the soccer ball around the house all the time
-when you have Fabreez stocked in your bag, car, and room!!!
-when freshly cut grass seems to long
-you try to teach animals to play soccer
-you name you soccer balls after the greatest players of all time
-when, you absolutely LOVE the smell of fresh cut grass
-when u hang out with your friends from soccer more than your friends from school
-when you can fluently say corner run and wall ball in three different languages
-when 90′ above on the field doesn’t phase you, -90′ below on the field doesn’t phase you and 90 MIN. ON THE FIELD doesn’t phase you…OLAY!!!!
-when you don’t think a Maradona is hard to pull off in a game like everyone else thinks
-when a half a bottle of Fabreez doesn’t get rid of the odor coming from your right shoe
-when your fridge is stacked with Gatorade and power bars
and your freezer is full of ice packs
-when your mom has to hose you down in the backyard before letting your muddy ass into the house!
-you know your a soccer player when you yell at the pro’s on tv, telling them where to go, even though you know they cant hear you… but you wish they could.
-you know you’re soccer player when you come out of a game with scratches all over your legs from sliding but you don’t even notice it.
-you know your a soccer player, when your MySpace, Facebook, etc., is comprised mostly of short video clips of soccer bloopers from the FIFA world cup, and other major matches.
-when the ref’s know you by name.
-Your coach has to drag you off the field when you’re hurt, and you’re still saying i can still play coach.
-when bruises, blisters, and blood are just part of your everyday routine
-if you yell at ESPN because they put poker on instead of the National Team
-When you randomly start trying to juggle/ rainbow any object in sight
-When your hair just doesn’t feel right if it’s not in a ponytail.
-you scout "competition” for tryouts and games MONTHS in advance
-when you pass the neighbor’s ball back with your feet. even if its a basketball
-when you rush in for every loose ball in the box and coming out bleeding doesn’t even matter to you.
-when all your toes have been stepped on, causing your toe nails to fall out!!!
-you know your a soccer player when ref’s call you by your jersey number even when you aren’t playing
-when Your favorite smell is new cleats
-When you can’t wear shorts outside of soccer because you always have scrapes.
-When you’ve played with ten players. And actually won.
-you have disgusting "cleat feet"
-when you wont wash your uniform even though it smells bad because you won last game in it
-you will wear your lucky cleats until they literally fall apart on you on the field
-you buy the same pair of cleats just new ones over and over because you had a good season with them
-you have no life outside of soccer =))
– use soccer tricks when your in a crowd..
-wait for the opponent then decide where to move..
-when you’d rather watch soccer clips than porn!
TIPS FOR STAYING FIT BY COACH STACY FOWLER
